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Shima reminded himself he was the calm, logical one. Unlike his twin brother, he kept his cool. He didn't yell. He didn't shout like Aki did. Generally speaking, he didn't even get emotional.
And he had no idea how he got in the situation he was in.
Maybe what his younger brother Ren had once said was true and he simply sucked at dealing with women. Or maybe there was a deeper reason behind it. It didn't matter, he didn't have time to figure it out right then.
His most recent attempt at dating was turning an alarming shade of purple in her rage. The reaction wasn't new to him and it was, frankly, getting old.
"How can you choose that?"
She didn't shriek, and he was grateful for that. Her voice was a bit louder than he would have liked, however, and he was glad they were in a relatively quiet corner of the university grounds while they did this.
"I've said it more than once now, Minami-chan." Shima had a feeling his calm, quiet voice was only making things worse, but he couldn't do anything about that. That was just how he was. "If it's between my brothers and anyone else, I choose my brothers."
"But-" She blinked several times in quick succession, and a big, fat tear leaked from each eye.
"I'm sorry," Shima said, frowning. He wasn't, not really, because he was tired of having this fight with people. It truly boggled his mind how so many people couldn't understand putting family first.
"Don't lie!" The tear-filled eyes turned to anger again and Shima sighed.
He didn't even bother to argue that. While it wasn't entirely a lie, he certainly didn't enjoy fighting with her, so he was sorry, to a point. It wouldn't make a difference even if he tried to explain, though. "If you'd still like to go out on Sunday, I'm more than happy to."
She scowled. "We had plans on Saturday!"
"No, you made plans for Saturday, even though I told you two weeks ago I had plans with my brother. Now, if-"
"Never mind! You're hopeless." With a rather over-dramatic-in Shima's opinion-sigh, she flipped her hair, turned on her heel, and stormed off.
Shima frowned. "Does that mean you don't want to go out Sunday?" The rude gesture she gave him over her shoulder told him everything thing he needed to know.
And, if he was honest with himself, relieved him.
Letting out another sigh of his own, he picked up his bag from the ground at his feet, swung it over his shoulder, and turned around. As he walked along the sidewalk toward the building Aki was in, he tried to figure out if he could have done something differently. But the sticking point, as it had been with the last… he couldn't remember how many women, was that they wanted him to choose them over his brothers.
Sure, he and his brothers were closer than some families were. But he thought it made sense, considering what the four of them had gone through already in their lives. With the deaths of their parents, Ren showing up late in their lives, and Haru trying to hold the whole family together by himself, they'd dealt with a lot. Given all that, it made sense to Shima that they'd all be close, maybe even closer than most families. Even so, he'd have thought family still came first, even if they weren't as close as the Kaido brothers were.
Shima couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't something more, though. Ren was certainly right-he sucked at dealing with women. They were completely alien to him. He might as well have tried to date the racoon-err dog-than a woman. He might understand the dog better. But maybe it was in part because he wasn't really interested in any of them. He hadn't felt anything for them beyond friendship. A few of them had been fun to do things with, but no more than any other friend he'd had.
His lack of success might also have had something to do with the fact that he hadn't been interested in doing anything sexual with any of them, either. He didn't think it was gender-he hadn't been any more interested in guys than women. Well, most guys. There was one, but he did his damnedest to not think about that.
He had good reasons for not wanting to have sex with someone. For one thing, Haru had worked his ass off to get Shima through university and he wasn't about to screw that up by getting a girl pregnant. There wasn't a birth control on the planet that was one hundred percent effective except not having sex in the first place.
For another, if he was completely honest with himself, none of those women was the person he wanted and he didn't think it was right to have sex with one person and think of someone else. It wouldn't be right to the person he was with and not to the person he would have been thinking of. So he just didn't put himself in the situation to begin with.
One girlfriend hadn't understood why he wasn't ready to have sex. She'd actually tried to push the issue when they'd been alone one night. That relationship had ended right then and had lasted all of a week.
Shima sighed as he got to the front of the building for Aki's last class. He leaned against the tree and did his best to ignore his brother and his brother's current attempt at a relationship. Aki wasn't any better at dating, it seemed, than he was. He'd probably had about the same number of them and, as far as Shima knew, the same success rate-that was, zero.
"Damn it, Kozue-chan, I said no!" Aki's dulcet tones drifted across the relatively short expanse of grass.
Shima glanced over to see Aki with his arms out on Kozue's shoulders. He was scowling, his face turning redder by the moment. His jacket was askew and he looked a little…disheveled, was the best word Shima could come up with. He tried not to think about why Aki might be disheveled-and the feelings that would cause in himself-and instead raised his eyebrows as he turned to watch.
Kozue looked truly puzzled and Shima felt a little bad for her. "But why?"
"I don't want to. It's that simple. I'm sorry, if you can't accept that…"
The puzzled expression turned to anger. "Really? What's wrong with me?"
Aki dropped his hands and shrugged a shoulder. Shima watched, rather fascinated to see just how inept his brother was at dealing with women. He guessed he was just as bad; he just didn't usually get to watch from the outside.
"What kind of a-s-as-jerk are you?" She stomped her foot.
Shima winced. That was not the way to convince his brother of anything.
"Jerk? I'm a jerk because I don't want to have sex?" He was shouting by the time he was finished and Shima winced again, this time at the noise level. They were drawing a bit of attention.
She scowled. "That's not-what-I can't believe you!" She took a deep breath, and Shima was impressed despite himself at her shift in attitude. She leaned back toward Aki. "Come on, Aki-kun, just a kiss?"
Aki's scowl simply deepened. "No. For the last time, no. I'm done. Bye." He nearly growled the last, shrugging his jacket into place with a jerk, then snatched his bag up from the ground. Without looking back, he crossed the grass in a few angry strides, stopping next to Shima.
Kozue stared after him in shock the entire time, only finally realizing Aki was serious when he hadn't turned around. With a ridiculously loud huff, she grabbed her bag as well, and stomped off the other direction.
"So… I take it we're clear for Saturday?" Shima asked as they started walking toward the train station.
"Yup." Aki fell into step next to him. "Take it you cleared things up too?"
"You could say that."
"She dump you too?"
Shima didn't sigh, though he wanted to. "Let's just say it was… mostly mutual."
"Mutual. Right." Aki chuckled. "Yeah, let's go with that."
Shima didn't bother to give a reply, though in part because Aki didn't expect one. They walked in silence the rest of the way to the train. It was something he appreciated about his brother. As loud, hot-headed, and obnoxious as his brother could be, he could be quiet at times too. They didn't need to talk all that much. Having spent their entire lives together-including sharing a womb-he could read Aki's moods without effort. Right then, Aki was trying to get rid of the anger at Kozue, and Shima let him deal with it.
Of course if Shima could read Aki's moods, that meant Aki could read his, which was something of a feat when almost no one else could. Haru could, to a point. And Ren. Both mostly because they'd spent the time learning. He knew he didn't give a lot away when it came to his emotions, but that just meant he appreciated it all the more that his brothers tried so hard.
Still, sometimes he wished Aki didn't know him so well. Now and again when he let his mind wander somewhere it shouldn't go, Aki knew it. Shima had managed thus far to avoid actually telling his brother what was on his mind when that happened, but Aki never stopped asking. So he worked even harder to keep that hidden and every time he failed, it frustrated him more.
The fights with Minami and Kozue had delayed them long enough that they didn't get to the station until rush hour. This meant the train was quite crowded when it got there. They didn't have much choice, though, because they weren't about to walk that far and it would be hours before the number of passengers on the trains got better. Shima wedged himself in behind Aki, dropping his bag between his feet like Aki did. He realized a little too late he was in the exact wrong position.
The only thing he was grateful for was the fact that no one was behind him. He could lean back to all but the door, though that wasn't nearly enough space because as soon as he did everyone else moved. Still, the door was metal and not another person, so that was something. That was all he could find to be glad of, though. Because tight against his groin was… Aki's ass.
Perhaps this was punishment for treating Minami so badly? Not that he was sure he could have-or would have-done anything differently. Still, the last thing he needed yet that day was to have Aki grinding against his cock all the way home and the way the train moved, as tight as they were, it was bound to happen.
Shima tried a little desperately to think of something to distract himself. He mentally worked statistics problems. He recited the dates for the battles of the Thirty-Eight Years' War from the Nara period. He tried naming all the characters of Aki's latest video game.
Nothing worked. The first time the train rocked, he completely lost his thoughts when Aki's ass rubbed against his cock again. By the time they went around another curve and Aki had ground into him for the third-or was it fourth?-time, his cock was rock hard. And nestled right at the crack of Aki's ass.
How the hell does he not feel this?
Shima couldn't begin to work that out unless Aki was just oblivious. Except that, while Aki was hot-tempered and stubborn, he wasn't stupid or out of it. He had to be feeling it and Shima couldn't wrap his head around why Aki wasn't trying to get away. Sure, there wasn't a lot of space, but Aki didn't seem even remotely aware of or bothered by it.
Shima wondered if he could maybe get his bag between them and thus separate them enough so he at least wasn't all but fucking Aki right there on the train. He tried to move, but within a few seconds could tell it was useless. There just wasn't enough space to do anything. He had maybe an inch between him and the door behind him and, as far as he could tell, no more space than that in front of Aki.
So, he gave up, closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and hoped against hope there'd be no delays. They still had way too long before they got to their stop. If they were delayed at all, he was afraid he'd humiliate himself with a wet spot on the front of his pants.
Because it felt fucking amazing to have Aki against him like that.
The train rocked again and the rest of Aki smashed against him. Oh, please make it stop! Without thinking, he pushed his arm between Aki and the man in front of them and wrapped it around Aki to hold him still. But now they were touching from chest to groin. Their legs were threaded and Shima was pretty sure a single molecule of air couldn't get between them.
Shima closed his eyes, struggling with the situation, with his own body, with the feel of Aki against him. Aki's scent filled him and before he could stop himself, he leaned his head forward slightly and took a deep inhale. As twins, he'd have thought it wouldn't be anything special or all that different from his own. But something about Aki's scent had always done crazy-good things to him. It said home to him. It was warmth and love.
It was also a complete turn on for him and that knowledge was something he kept carefully locked away in the deepest parts of himself.
He was jarred out of that thought as the train started moving again. This time, he lost the inch behind him, putting him up against the door. Aki pressed a little tighter against him, arm and hand coming to rest on Shima's. Aki also ground into Shima's cock again, and whether it had been deliberate or not, it made Shima struggle to remember how to breathe. He was seriously way more than aroused and was going to be full-on embarrassed if this didn't end soon. This was getting beyond ridiculous and into downright absurd.
Taking a somewhat deep breath-Shima couldn't breathe too deeply between Aki's scent filling him and the pressure on his chest from being sandwiched between Aki and the door-he bent his head to speak into Aki's ear. "Could you move forward just an inch?"
Aki turned his head and spoke into Shima's ear. "I'm either tight against you or tight against that stranger. Which would you pick? Besides, you're the one with your arm around me."
Annoyed that Aki was right, Shima started to move his arm. If he hadn't been so focused on Aki, he'd have missed it, but Aki just barely squeezed his hand. Just enough that Shima could recognize it or ignore it, as he chose.
He wasn't sure what to make of that, whether Aki really wanted his arm there or not. If he did, why? Shima pushed the thought off. Trying, yet again, to not breathe too deeply, he kept his arm where it was around Aki and closed his eyes once more. For just a moment, he let himself savor the feel of Aki in his arms and against him. It was still causing a terrible problem but he couldn't resist the moment he was given.
Damn, he felt so good. What would it be like to be able to hold Aki like this anytime he wanted or needed to? To bend his head and kiss the exposed neck in front of him? To know Aki would want these things?</P>
Since there was no answer to his questions, he forced himself to mentally step back, tucking those thoughts back into the deepest, darkest pits they belonged in. I didn't matter what that would be like. He had no business thinking it and even if it wasn't so wrong, Aki wasn't about to return the feelings.
He looked up at the ceiling and tried to take a breath that wasn't full of his twin brother. Once he had, he did his best to focus on the train, the voices around him, anything except the feel of the man in his arms. He thanked whatever deity might listen for every mile they traveled. Every stop they passed, he was grateful for. He tried to count them down in his head, though he kept forgetting them because the feel of Aki in his arms was too damned distracting.
They took this curve, then that curve, and no matter what he did, he couldn't avoid Aki rubbing against him. He couldn't believe how much pleasure was building so quickly and how embarrassing would that be? Even if he could stay silent-and with a house full of brothers he had practice with that-how did he hide from Aki that he'd just had an orgasm while up against his brother's body? He didn't think Aki would be able to miss that, no matter how oblivious he was being.
Shima gritted his teeth, clenched his hand around the strap above his head in a death grip, and prayed in a way he never had before that they'd get to their stop soon. His cock was downright painfully hard.
Finally, finally, the announcement came on overhead with their station. The crowd shifted and Shima let go of Aki. He turned just enough to get his bag and his eyes nearly crossed at the uncomfortable position his cock was in. He managed to surreptitiously adjust himself quickly then pick up his bag and a moment later, the train slowed as it pulled into the station.
As soon as the doors opened, he turned and stepped out of the train. He glanced over to look for his brother as Aki bent and picked up his own bag. Shima could have been imagining things, but he could have sworn he saw Aki adjust himself.
He couldn't credit that very well, though and went with his first assumption that it was his imagination. When Aki caught up to him, they walked toward the exit, neither speaking. He was once more grateful that they didn't need to talk because Shima couldn't think of a single thing to say that wasn't going to come out absolutely ridiculous.
What could he say? Sorry for almost fucking you on the train. Or how about, didn't meant to get hard while you were grinding your ass against me.Or maybe, Hey, should I have given you a reach-around? Shima gladly kept his mouth shut.
As they made their way home, however, he had zero doubt he'd be spending some quality time with the lotion bottle and his hand that night.
First, and most important, the characters and world within this story belong Abe-sensei (I think I got the last name right. Why can't places be consistent?!) for the manga and Ishihira-sensei for the anime. I do not own anything, nor do I wish to make money off this.
Secondly, it's been a *long* time since I have written fanfiction. For the last several years, I've been writing (and publishing) original works and my own world and characters, who I let run amok in my brain to do as they please, which I then write down. So, please forgive me if I am off on characterization or forget details of Abe-sensei's world. I have read and reread the manga and hope I've got a handle on everything and I will try my best.
Third: I have *just* found the newest chapters (post 29) in raw format. They're not translated yet and my Japanese is crap, but based on the art, there are some seriously upsetting things coming. Just an FYI that where this story falls in the manga would be *after* well after 32 and things work out (because ugh! I am really getting this close to hoping Ren finds someone else. That poor kid. >.>) . Anyway, this is a slight alternate timeline kind of thing. The events of 30-32 may or may not happen in my idea of the future of the manga, but either way, this story is *not* at the time of Chapter 32.
I am an officially published author! Dreamspinner Press has picked up my novel _Choices_ and it will be out in both e-book and paperback formats on March 4th! Yay! You can get them both here: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/stor… and here: www.dreamspinnerpress.com/stor…
I do a bit of everything. I'm best at writing though most of my work is *not* here because it is adult in nature. Please see my website below for details, but also note that my novel is adult in nature.
I also like to draw and have started working much harder on it. I've found I am getting good at coloring digitally and enjoy it very much. I also sew, crochet, make jewelry, and paint.